Celebrating Birthdays

Birthdays have proven to be a challenging time- keeping up with the norms and traditions where autism has come in to play for us. For me, birthdays were a big deal when I was growing up. "Go Big or go home" kind of thing. For my oldest on the spectrum, birthday parties are a complete torture for him. Every year we attempt to dial it down a little bit more for his taste.

I know that he appreciates the efforts we have made in the past, but he would prefer it to just be simple. I struggle with this--a lot! Simple is hard for me. I LOVE parties and entertaining. My oldest hates crowds, and presents are an added mode for sensory overload. It is hard living up to peoples "ideals". Knowing how to respond appropriately is not a strength for either of my kids. Not everyone involved handles that well. Our kids do not sugar coat anything. Some might presume that being nonverbal would mask the disinterest, but not really.

I'll never forget the year at Christmas time Izzy, my youngest, got a doll. My dad and stepmom were excited about presenting the present to her. They didn't know that there was something about dolls that seemed weird for my youngest. Her response was less than desirable. No sugar coat, the doll got flung across the room and she moved on to playing with the box and the wrapping paper the doll came in. Which is normal for babies, but not someone around 6 years old.

These behaviors seem rude, and frankly they are. We as a family are working on this, but these changes take time and developmental maturity that sometimes takes years to master. Mostly it requires grace from all involved. Moving on...:)

The Birthday Cake was yummy!!

So my oldest turned 11 years old in May and we did small. We got the things that mattered to Josh. A birthday cake, and all his favorite foods. We invited no one. It was just his dad, sister, and myself. It didn't seem like much, but Josh loved it! He wasn't so overwhelmed that he had to leave his own party. He even gifted us with a "first". We put the candles on the cake and my husband and I were fully ready to blow the candles out for him, because that is what we have always had to do. Josh never really seemed to understand why he had to blow the candles out before. But this time he waited and leaned in and blew those candles out (matter-a-fact-ly) like he was supposed to do and he did it!!! I looked at my husband and said, "What a gift. Josh surprised us on his birthday."

Luckily I was camera ready. The wind was blowing so my husbands hand is blocking the wind.

It really is about the small things for us at the Allen home. You have no idea what will happen or how this time might be different, but we celebrate! My kids are gifts. We do not do typical here. We have tried that and it was not as much fun. ;) We do us every day of the week and even on Sundays. I want to celebrate it all, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Everyday we practice the things we are not good at, and embrace the accomplishments made along the way.

Why not share our celebratory "first"? I know the autism community is vast and colorful. I love to see how we all celebrate our uniqueness!!!

Birthdays are tough. How have you celebrated? Share with us about your celebration's good, bad, and ugly. You can find us over at the website at Thatautismmom.com. or on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Have a great week you all.

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day Autism Mom's!!!

It may sound a little selfish, but after being a mom of an 11 year old and a 9 year old that has autism,  I have MASIVE R-E-S-P-E-C-T for the mom's out there doing what I do everyday. We found out that our oldest had autism when he was two years old and I don't feel like we have stopped autism-ing since then.

Just the other day, I stopped long enough to think about how long I have been a full time stay-at- home mom and how many of those years I have been full time homeschooling. I get a bit of homeschool anxiety looking at my curriculum when the UPS guy drops my multiple boxes on my door step. I feel like some day I should do an "unboxing" video just to be completely transparent with you all. It is intense.

It wasn't until this year that I did what I never thought I would do--ever. I called the PS and asked about enrolling both my kids for the following school year. It was that rough of a year. No JOKE. We were dealing with a lot of "firsts" as a family. We moved to Northwest Arkansas and the kids just were not handling the move well at all. We needed help and finding new doctors in the midst of it all left me feeling inadequate and frazzled to put it mildly.

Why do I put myself through "ALL THE STUFF"? Why does it seem like I am taking on more that is physically or humanly possible? I'll tell you why! Because I am That MOM! I do what I do because I honestly believe that it is what is best for my kids and for my family. Mom's everywhere get this right?! It never seems to be just about us, its about our families. We tap into our super human powers for the sake of those around us. I am WOMEN hear me ROAR!!

Moma Bear hear me out. This is your holiday. Mother's Day. Tell yourself that you are AMAZING!! Cause you are. Tell yourself that the struggles you are dealing with in your homes right now are going to be OKAY because you are on the watch. Your family has YOU!  You, the one who wears all the many hats to make the life around you (with autism included) possible. All the therapy appointment, the advocating you do, the all nighters that you pull, the medications you administer, the behaviors you manage, the sensory diets that you regulate to maintain that base line-- Look at YOU! You are AMAZING!! I give you permission to sit down for a few this Mother's day and it you must, run your "ship" from that recliner. Feel free to put someone else in charge.

Thank you for stopping by my blog. Feel free to check out the website at http://www.thatautismmom.com/ You can also find me on Facebook and on Twitter.

Happy Mother's Day Autism MOM!!!